Unemployed and Unexciting
It’s been 5 weeks since my contract at my previous job was stopped during my probationary period. Now, I could go into the how, the why, the good, the bad, but ultimately, I’m still faced with my current situation: I’m unemployed. Thankfully, I have a great support system both emotionally and financially, so I do have the privilege of not needing to worry about living on the streets. That doesn’t mean I am not worried about anything financially; quite the contrary. I still have debt from my student loans, buying my car, and life in general. Plus, I have a wedding to plan for in August 2026! With the rate this year has gone, it’ll be next July in three minutes.
All this to say, I have a little bit of money, a hell of a lot of time, and no idea what to do. I’m simply living right now.
Living in the Lull
Unemployment is strange, it’s not quite the freedom I imagined. There’s no glorious daily routine of leisurely coffee breaks and hours of creative work. Instead, it’s a struggle to maintain a routine, waking up at a reasonable hour so I don’t waste my days away. It’s a mix of waiting, reflecting, and trying to figure out the next step. The time stretches, and with it comes the weight of uncertainty. When you’re used to having a schedule, purpose, and structure to your days, the sudden stop has the impact of a sudden breaking vehicle.
Of course, there are the obvious pressures—money, debt, and planning for the future. But what no one prepares you for when you lose a job is the emotional weight that comes with it. Even with a supportive partner and family, there’s a nagging voice that constantly asks: What’s next? Am I enough? How badly did I f*ck up?
In many ways, unemployment is an identity crisis in slow motion. You’re no longer the person with the job title, the professional persona, or the routine that defined your days. It’s a limbo that’s uncomfortable in its stillness. And it’s so frustrating. I can have so many options of activities to keep myself busy, but it’s never enough to quell the overwhelming feeling of laziness and loss.
The Financial Tightrope
Despite the emotional turbulence, I do have some privileges that others may not. I don’t have to worry about being without a roof over my head, and that’s a huge blessing. But the financial reality still looms. The student loan payments don’t stop just because the paycheck does. Neither does the debt from my life before unemployment. And the wedding! It feels like it’s still years away, but I know time flies, and with every passing day, that looming wedding date comes closer by the second.
The financial balance right now is a tricky one. Thankfully, I applied and was accepted for government assistance, but I still need to figure out how to stretch out what little I get after paying my regular bills while looking for work. I also need to manage the stress that comes with knowing that each day of unemployment adds another layer of uncertainty. I’ve been applying for jobs, updating my resume, networking, and doing everything I can to keep the process moving forward, but the weight of it all feels relentless. It’s like trying to climb a mountain with no peak in sight.
Time: A Double-Edged Sword
With all this time on my hands, you’d think I’d be filling my days with productivity. But I’m not. I won’t say I’m wasting away my days completely, but I do find there are blocks of time I waste doom-scrolling on social media, getting lost in gaming, or even staring blankly out the window.
Time has become both a gift and a curse. It stretches out endlessly, giving me space to reflect, to think, to worry about all the things I should be doing. The days blend, and I feel as though I’m trapped in a loop of what-ifs. Should I be spending this time improving my skills? Should I be networking harder? Should I be applying for every job, even if it’s not the perfect fit?
The pressure to do something is always there, but I’m not sure what that “something” should be. And yet, here I am, simply living—waiting for something to shift, waiting for the next chapter to unfold.
Looking Toward the Future
I know this phase won’t last forever. One day, I’ll look back at this and see it as a turning point, a period of growth, or at least a time to reflect on what matters most. For now, though, I’m just trying to stay grounded. To take things one day at a time. I’m focusing on the small wins: maintaining my fitness journey, focusing on my mental health, growing new skills, and building myself up.
The job hunt continues, the debt remains, and the wedding plans tick forward at a pace that feels both too fast and too slow. But at the end of the day, I’m still here—still hopeful, still moving forward in my own way. It may not be exciting, but I’m living. Maybe that’s all I need to do right now.
So here I am, unemployed and unexciting. But that doesn’t mean I’m not growing. Sometimes, the spaces between the big moments are where we do the most reflection, the most learning. And even though I’m in a holding pattern right now, I know that one day, the shift will come. Until then, I’ll keep on simply living—because sometimes that’s enough.
